


Lie To Me

by nevergone



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevergone/pseuds/nevergone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike and Harvey start sleeping together, something Mike swore he'd never let happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lie To Me

The first time Harvey kissed him it had been in a bar, hours after the client they'd met with had left. Harvey convinced Mike to stay, have a few drinks, talk. Mike thought Harvey had probably already had too much to drink at that point, to even be offering that to him, but he wasn't going to turn down an opportunity like that. He hadn't exactly been in a hurry to get home to his empty apartment, which had felt especially lonely as of late. So he took the moment for what it was, despite not being clear on what exactly it was. A moment of weakness on Harvey's part. Alcohol clouded judgement. Maybe a mixture of both of those. Didn't matter what you called it, Mike was thankful for it, because it was earning him extra time with Harvey.  
  
He was mid-sentence when Harvey had kissed him, catching him entirely off guard. Mike didn't kiss back, but he didn't need to, because like everything else in Harvey's life, he was in complete control of the situation. He had complete control of Mike's mouth. Even after they had broken apart, both breathless, Mike still felt like he no longer had control of his own mouth, like Harvey had taken it and claimed it as his own and Mike would never get it back. Maybe, in a way, Mike was right.  
  
Mike waited for Harvey to speak first, figuring he would have some kind of logical explanation. He was drunk. It was a mistake. Something along those lines. Instead Harvey had put his lips back up against Mike's mouth again and breathed the words 'Come back to my place' into his mouth. That's when Mike knew he had to get out of there. He had to leave. Had to be anywhere but there with Harvey. Because if he didn't leave now, he would be in Harvey's bed and he knew he couldn't let himself do that.  
  
So Mike apologized, profusely, as if he'd done something so terribly wrong, and excused himself. He rushed out of the bar in a hurry, got a cab, and went straight home. He only started to feel the wave of panic wash over him once inside his apartment. Only then had the reality of the situation set in. He had rejected Harvey. He was positive that _nobody_ rejected Harvey. Mike was sure there'd be some kind of consequences for doing that. He decided to sacrifice his sleep that night in order to work on some sort of apology, or maybe it was a resignation. It sounded a lot like the latter.  
  
Turns out it wasn't needed, because Harvey didn't once bring it up, didn't even so much as to hint at it. It was like it never happened at all. Mike considered for a brief moment that maybe Harvey had been too drunk to remember it. Mike was positive he could still taste the Scotch in his mouth from Harvey's kiss last night, and that was after he'd brushed his teeth twice since. It was plausible, he guesses. But how could Harvey possibly not remember that though? Considering it had been the only thing on Mike's mind since it had happened, he refused to believe that Harvey just didn't remember.  
  
He felt, well, he felt _annoyed_ that Harvey hadn't brought it up. _He_ sure as hell wasn't bringing it up though. If Harvey wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, then he would follow suit and do the same. Two could play this game.

 

Kissing Harvey was the proverbial line Mike had drawn in the sand. He wouldn't go any further than that with Harvey. He couldn't go any further than that. Because he already felt too many things for Harvey, and he knew Harvey didn't reciprocate those feelings towards him.He wouldn't let himself get hurt like that. He _couldn't_ let himself.  
  
The only problem with his line in the sand, was that he had drawn it too close to the water, and as the tide rose, it started to wash away that line, wave by wave, until the line had completely disappeared, and there was no trace of it ever being there in the first place.

\--

The second time they kiss it's at the office, long after everybody's gone home. This time Harvey doesn't catch him off guard, Mike is completely expecting it. Harvey's eyes had been lingering on his lips all night, and it was only a matter of time. Harvey's kiss has a harshness to it this time, a certain neediness, Mike tenses under the feeling of it, and Harvey feels him tense and the kiss quickly eases into something more gentle, relaxed, passionate.  
  
"We should take this work back to my place," Harvey whispers.  
  
Mike is positive Harvey's not talking about anything that has to do with the job when he says that, but he still agrees to it. Because it's _Harvey_. And he's wanted this for so long, and maybe it would be different. Maybe it could be something good. Maybe.  
  
\--  
  
Sex with Harvey Specter was everything he thought it would be. Mike never thought for a moment that the sex wouldn't be, well, mind-blowing for lack of better term. More than the sex itself, the things Harvey had said during the sex had stood out in his mind. ' _God, Mike. You're so fucking perfect_.' Of course, it was stupid to think anything of that, because people say a lot of things in the heat of the moment. But even so, Mike had never been called perfect. He'd also never had anybody continually ask them if they were okay. Which, sort of freaked Mike out, because it meant that Harvey could probably tell that he was tensing because of nerves. Harvey went slowly though, methodical about his each and every move, a lot like he was with his work. He made Mike relax. Made him lose the nerves completely and just focus on getting lost in the moment instead.  
  
Now, Mike was sitting on the edge of Harvey's bed wondering what came next. Harvey disappeared for a short while, leaving Mike to the thoughts that were already overwhelming him. Everything up until this point had been perfect, so now Mike was just waiting for the inevitable hammer to drop. The bad news had to be coming.  
  
Harvey returned to the room, walking over and pressing money into the palm of Mike's hand. "I'm not really sure where you live, but there should be plenty of money there to get you a cab ride back home."  
  
And there was the hammer. Mike knew that Harvey's intentions were good, but it didn't make him feel any less cheap or any less like a total idiot in the moment.  
  
"Thanks, but I got it," Mike said, getting up and placing the money back into the palm of Harvey's hand. He collected his shoes and socks from where they were scattered at the front door, and left.  
  
\--  
  
The following day was a typical Tuesday at the office. Mike spent most of the day with his head buried at work, trying his best to distract his mind from Harvey, which was no easy task. He only had a few brief encounters with Harvey throughout the day, and Harvey acted like nothing had ever happened. Mike did the same. Only for Mike it was the hardest thing to do. To continue to banter with Harvey and pretend that it wasn't absolutely killing him to know that last night hadn't meant anything to him. Not a god damn thing.  
  
That feeling, the way it made his heart physically ache, and the way it twisted his stomach into knots, that should have been enough to make Mike want to keep the relationship strictly professional between him and Harvey. It wasn't though. Because the next time Harvey called him, a little after midnight, speech slightly slurred, telling Mike he wanted him to come over. That he missed him. That he needed him. Well, that's all Mike had to hear, because Mike wanted Harvey. Needed Harvey.  
  
So Mike would go over, get fucked senseless by Harvey, and then be shown the door. But it was okay, because that was enough. He got to be close to Harvey, have all of Harvey's attention, and even if it was only for a short while, it was better than not having it at all.

\--

  
The next time anything happens, it's two weeks later. They finish up a dinner meeting with a client, and are in the back of the town car. Harvey moves his hand over and rests it on the back of Mike's head, his fingers brushing through the hair at the base of Mike's neck.  
  
Harvey's touch sends a wave of pleasure through Mike's entire body. His neck always was a weak spot. He wonders if Harvey knows that. He probably did. Harvey seemed to know all of his weak spots.  
  
"You look good," Harvey says.  
  
"Thanks," Mike replies, unable to make eye contact with Harvey who is still moving his fingers through his hair.  
  
When Harvey pushes him into a kiss, Mike closes his eyes and allows himself to be consumed by it. It's easy to allow himself to believe Harvey cares when he's kissing him like that. Mike's never been kissed by anyone the way Harvey kisses him.  
  
"Mike..do you think you could, I mean..do you want to?" Harvey asks. He could have probably done without the words. Mike knew exactly what he was hinting at just by the way he gestured.  
  
"Harvey, we're in a car," Mike pointed out, as if that wasn't somehow entirely obvious to the both of them.  
  
"So?"  
  
"What if..I mean what if Ray hears or sees?"  
  
"Look, Mike. If you're that worried about it, then don't bother with it. It's fine."  
  
"No..it's just. I mean..I'll do it, Harvey. For you."  
  
"Good boy," Harvey smiled, his hands already moving to undo his pants.  
  
And with that, Mike crawled over and got down on his knees, positioning himself in front of Harvey between his legs.  
  
It was completely uncomfortable, his knees ached and he wanted to stop about halfway through because of it. Harvey was enjoying it though. Telling him how good he was in between moans, how, and there was that word again, how _perfect_ he was. That kind of praise shouldn't have meant as much as it did to him, it shouldn't have meant anything, but it did, and hearing it is what made him stick it out.  
  
When they finished, Mike moved back up to his seat. He knew they were now at the part where they pretended nothing had just happened. So he stuck to just staring out the window. Knowing that they couldn't keep doing this, but not knowing how to stop it either.  
  
"Do you want Ray to just drop you off back at your place?"  
  
There was a long drawn out silence.  
  
"Mike?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I asked you a question. Do you want a ride back to your place?"  
  
"Back to the office is fine. I'll ride my bike home," Mike said, before going back to staring out the window.  
  
"You sure? It's cold out."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
When they pulled up outside of Pearson Hardman, Mike grabbed for the handle of the door and started to push it open.  
  
"Mike? Wait."  
  
"What?" he asked, shifting his body around to look at Harvey this time.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," Mike said, forcing a half smile on his face.  
  
"Good. I'll see you tomorrow then."  
  
Mike just climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him, maybe a little harder than he had intended to.  
  
As Mike lay in bed that night, tears streaming down his face, and staining his shirt, he told himself he wasn't going to do this anymore. That it was too hard. It hurt too much. That he was done with Harvey. His breath hitched between sobs, and then the sobs were temporarily replaced with a small, humorless laugh, as he realized that he wasn't even good at lying to himself anymore. Done with Harvey. He would never be done with Harvey. You can't ever just be _done_ with the person you're in love with.

  
\--

  
The next time Harvey called and asked him to come over, Mike had turned him down. Lied. Told him he had other plans. Harvey had started to convince him to drop his other plans and just come over, but Mike told him his phone battery was running low, and hung up, because if he stayed on the line any longer, he'd find himself on the inside of a cab and then he'd be on his back, his fists gripping at Harvey's sheets before he even knew what he was doing. But he had hung up. He had won this round. It had been a small victory. A small, short-lived victory.  
  
Harvey doesn't call the next time. The next time it's Mike calling Harvey. His hands shake a little when he dials the number, and he's not quite sure what to say. He mumbles a few words, and he's thankful that whatever it was he said seemed to convey the message well enough that Harvey tells him to come over. It's the anniversary of Mike's parents' death and Mike just doesn't want to be alone tonight. He needs comfort. Going to Harvey is the only way he knows how to get that comfort.  
  
So he shows up at Harvey's doorstep, and Harvey greets him with his mouth. Wordlessly drags him down the hallway, pushes him back onto the bed and strips off his clothes. Looks at him like he matters. Tells him what he needs to hear. And Mike asks him to say it again. And then once more. And then he thinks Harvey is tired of hearing him talk, because his thrusts quicken. They're harder, deeper and Mike's vocabulary is reduced to nothing but small gasps, moans, and Harvey's name on his lips.  
  
Orgasm washed over Mike first, and Harvey followed closely behind, collapsing on top of Mike. He stayed there until he caught his breath, then kissed Mike one more time, before rolling off and disappearing into the bathroom. Mike knew the routine, so he sat up and started to gather the clothes Harvey had taken off of his body and littered the floor with.  
  
"Stay, Mike," Harvey had said from the doorway of the bathroom.  
  
"I can't."  
  
"It wasn't really a question. Just stay. Please."  
  
"Okay."  
  
It had always hurt when Harvey would make him leave after sex, but it hurt worse now that Harvey was letting him stay. It was just a reminder of what Mike couldn't have. He lay on his side in Harvey's bed, with the heat of Harvey's body pressing up against his back, and his arm wrapped around his waist, as if he was ensuring that Mike wouldn't go anywhere. Not just now. But ever. That Mike would always be there when he needed something from him. Sex. Someone to keep his bed from growing colder on those lonely nights. Mike spent the rest of the night staring into the dark, trying to blink back the tears, and hoping Harvey didn't hear him cry. Not that it mattered if Harvey would have heard him anyway. Harvey didn't care.

  
Mike felt Harvey shift out of bed, and when he heard the shower start to run he took that as his cue to get the hell out of there. He wanted to be spared any conversation Harvey might try to have with him about how letting him stay over last night was a one time thing. He didn't need to hear things he already knew. So he got dressed in the suit from the day before and headed straight to the office. The office is where they pretended nothing ever happened and that's exactly what Mike was prepared to do.  
  
-  
  
When Harvey arrived at work and called Mike into his office, Mike wasn't expecting anything of it. Just to be handed more work, and probably lectured about something he screwed up on.  
  
"Mike," Harvey said, looking up from his computer screen. "Shut the door behind you and sit down."  
  
Mike did as he was told.  
  
"You're wearing the same suit from yesterday," Harvey threw the words at him like an accusation, even though it was just an observation.  
  
"Sorry. I didn't get a chance to change."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why didn't you get a chance to change? You certainly left my place early enough to be able to do so."  
  
"Who cares? It's just clothes, Harvey. _Clothes_. I swear to god you care more about clothes than you care about actual fucking people."  
  
"Keep your voice down, Mike."  
  
"Don't you ever get sick of telling me what to do?"  
  
"If you haven't noticed, I'm your boss. It's kind of my job to tell you what to do."  
  
"I'm not talking about work."  
  
"Then what are you talking about?"  
  
Mike laughed disbelievingly, already feeling the tears start to form in his eyes. "Just..never mind. Can I leave now?"  
  
"No. Not until you tell me what you mean by that."  
  
"I'm talking about..us. You telling me to come over. You telling me to give you blow jobs in the back of town cars, for example."  
  
"I didn't _tell_ you to do those things, I _asked_ you to do those things."  
  
"What's the difference with you?"  
  
"Asking means you can say no, Mike. At any damn time you please. I never _made_ you do anything."  
  
"You make it sound like it's so easy to say no to you."  
  
"You've said no to me before, so don't act like you didn't know how. You're a grown god damn adult, you knew exactly what you were getting into."  
  
Mike wiped at his tears. "You're such an asshole. I know it's easy for you Harvey, because you don't give a shit about anybody but yourself, but that's not what it's like for me. And you don't understand how hard it is to do this."  
  
"Then why do it?" Harvey said, raising his voice unintentionally.  
  
"Because I'm so fucking in love with you that I'll take whatever I can get from you! And don't bother telling me how pathetic that is, because I know. Believe me, I fucking know. I hate myself for doing it and feeling this way, but I can't stop. I don't know how, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to. Because I don't want to lose you, which is so stupid because I never even had you in the first place."  
  
"Mike..I really don't know what to say."  
  
"Don't say anything. Just forget I said anything, I know you don't care about me, and well, that's the whole problem."  
  
"I do care about you, Mike."  
  
Mike just rolled his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry that you felt like I was pushing you into things or making you do something you didn't want to do. That was never my intention. I just thought that's what we both wanted."  
  
"Harvey, the first time we slept together you pushed money into my hand afterwards. I think that just about said it all with what kind of relationship this was going to be."  
  
"Come on, that was for a cab, Mike. I was just trying to be nice. I didn't think of it any other way, because that's not how I think of you."  
  
"What do you think of me? I mean, really Harvey? Other than the fact that I'm an easy fuck."  
  
"Mike, just stop it. That's not true. I told you, I like you. I certainly didn't ask you to stay over last night because I don't like you or don't care."  
  
"Is that supposed to make me feel special? Because it doesn't."  
  
"Let me take you out to dinner tonight."  
  
"Is that a question or a demand?"  
  
"It's a question. You can say no if you want. I would understand. I'm not good at apologies and I feel like I owe you a huge one, so please, let this be a start."  
  
Mike agreed to it, of course. It was Harvey. He couldn't say no.

  
-  
Harvey told Mike to take the rest of the day off. To go home, get some sleep. Unlike times when Mike wasn't sure if Harvey was asking or telling, the tone of Harvey's voice this time was very clear, he definitely was telling. Mike wasn't going to argue with it though, he was struggling with just going through the motions at this point, so he knew he stood no chance up against bylaws and briefs.  
  
He'd just had a break down in Harvey's office and had accidentally thrown the L word at him. Harvey hadn't even flinched at it and Mike just assumed that Harvey was going to let it slide and pretend he hadn't even heard it, which worked for him, because he was going to pretend he'd never said it.  
  
-  
  
He crashed hard when he got home. Sheer exhaustion is good for something as it turns out, he was able to get a few solid hours of sleep, and more importantly a few solid hours of feeling nothing at all. Not having to think, not having to worry, not having to do anything but exist without effort.  
  
When he'd finally worn out his welcome with sleep, he groggily reached over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand for a time check. It was a little after 5. While doing the time check he realized he had two new text messages, so he clicked into them. Both were from Harvey.  
  
Are you okay? The first text read. Mike couldn't help but laugh at that question. He couldn't remember the last time he was truly 'okay'. The second text asked if they were still on for dinner. Mike chose to ignore the first question and just answer the second, with a simple yes.  
  
"Great. Pick you up at 7. Wear something nice."  
  
Mike figured the last part of his text must have been a joke considering he was sure there was nothing in his wardrobe that would be considered nice by Harvey Specter standards.  
  
'Okay' he text back before tossing the phone to the side and crawling out from underneath the warmth of the covers to get showered and dressed.  
  
-  
  
It was almost 7 o'clock on the dot when Mike heard the ring of the doorbell being chased by knocks on the door. Which meant it was Harvey, because only Harvey was that impatient. He flattened the few strands of hair that were sticking up with his hand and adjusted his tie in the mirror one last time before walking to the front door and swinging it open.  
  
"Hey," Harvey greeted him with a smile. That smile was really what had started it all. No matter how many times he saw it, and no matter the reason it was on his face in the first place, it always made Mike's heart flutter a little when he saw it.  
  
"Uh, you could have just text me or called me to come out when you got here. Didn't have to actually come to my front door."  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, Mike. You ready?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Harvey walked with Mike down outside to where Ray was waiting for them in the town car. Harvey opened the door for Mike and let him climb in and get settled, before closing the door, walking to the other side and getting in himself.  
  
"You look good, Mike. You'd look even better sans the skinny tie, but I know that's still a work in progress."  
  
"Thanks..I guess. You look good too. Perfect, really. As expected," Mike said, his sentence trailing off, the words almost a whisper by the end of it.  
  
"Everything okay with you?"  
  
"Everything's fine."  
  
"You know, Mike. In my experience when people say things are fine, or they're fine, that usually means that they're not."  
  
"Sometimes when people say things are fine, it means just what they say it means, that everything is fine. So just drop it, Harvey," Mike snapped.  
  
"All right. I'm sorry."  
  
The rest of the ride was spent in silence and Mike was really regretting ever even agreeing to this. He was sure that Harvey was probably doing the same exact thing.  
  
-  
  
"Here we are," Ray announced, his voice cutting through the thick drawn out silence, slightly startling both Harvey and Mike.  
  
Harvey climbed out of his side of the car and Mike got out of his side.  
  
"I would have gotten your door for you," Harvey said when Mike appeared from around the corner of the car.  
  
"Thanks, but I'm capable of getting my own damn door."  
  
Harvey was trying really hard to bite his tongue now. He really wanted this date to go well, but Mike seemed determined to make sure it didn't.

 

They were seated quickly once inside the restaurant, one of the many perks of being Harvey Specter was that you didn't typically have to wait long for anything. From there they were able to settle into something that almost seemed normal, and Harvey thought that maybe this was going to turn out okay after all.  
  
The conversation was good, Mike seemed to be loosening up a little bit and showing a little bit of a willingness to let Harvey in, which was funny, considering Mike was usually such an open book any other time.  
  
Harvey did take notice of how quickly Mike seemed to be downing the wine. At first, he didn't say anything, because maybe Mike just needed to take the edge off, and relax a little bit, that was understandable. Even when Mike tripped over some words and his speech slurred slightly, Harvey was still hesitant to say anything, because he didn't want to seem like he was lecturing Mike, or telling him what to do. However when Mike had poured the last of the bottle of wine into his glass, and then mentioned to Harvey that he should order another, Harvey felt like he needed to say something.  
  
"I think you should probably hold off on more alcohol, and just work on finishing your dinner."  
  
"What? Harvey..I'm fine. I just need a little bit more wine. Come on."  
  
"Mike, you really don't. You practically drank that entire bottle yourself. You really think you need more?"  
  
"Yeah, I do..it helps me relax Harvey, and have fun. I mean, are you not having fun? Is that it?"  
  
"I'd be having fun if you weren't using our time together to get wasted."  
  
"You're such a damn liar."  
  
"Really? And how's that, Mike? You think I brought you were to watch you get drunk? Think again."  
  
"Actually, I think you brought me here so you'd feel less guilty about just fucking me." Mike's voice was loud enough that it caused a few heads to turn in their direction.  
  
"Mike, stop."  
  
"Why? Are you embarrassed of me or what? Only want people to know you fuck models but not your own associate? Yeah. That's what I thought. You're a shitty person. You know that?"  
  
Despite knowing Mike was drunk and probably didn't mean what he was saying, the idea that Mike could think so little of him? That definitely hurt.  
  
"I should get you home," Harvey said, trying his best to sound like himself.  
  
Mike just nodded his head, and stood up from the table. Harvey walked over and lightly gripped the back of Mike's jacket, his touch was enough to help steady Mike, but not enough so that Mike would know that he was doing it and push him away. Harvey used the same sort of technique to help guide Mike into the back of the car, making sure he didn't hit his head getting in. Harvey was sure he'd have enough of a headache in the morning without adding to it.  
  
The car ride back to Mike's apartment was much like the ride to the restaurant had been, completely quiet. Mike had his eyes closed, head resting against the cool of the window, and Harvey kept his eyes fixated on Mike.  
  
"I don't feel good," Mike said about midway through the ride home. He hadn't addressed it to anybody, hadn't even shifted his head from the window or opened his eyes.  
  
"Do you need Ray to pull over?"  
  
Mike didn't respond. Harvey assumed that meant that he didn't.  
  
"Well, if you do. Just ask."  
  
The first thing Mike had done when the car had pulled up outside of his apartment, was swing the door open in a hurry, take a step out and proceed to throw up on the sidewalk. If Harvey hadn't known any better he'd think Mike willed himself to hold off just so Ray wouldn't have to pull over, if only because he had been the one to suggest it.  
  
Harvey walked Mike up the stairs to his apartment, helped get him inside and into bed. He disappeared momentarily, returning with a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and holding it out in front of Mike. Mike grabbed it, took a few small sips and then sat it down on the night stand.  
  
"Harvey..I-"  
  
"Just get some sleep."  
  
Mike pulled the covers tighter to his body, and his eyes fluttered shut not long after. Harvey stayed long enough that he felt comfortable in finally leaving him.  
  
He leaned over and gently pressed his lips to Mike's forehead and whispered "Feel better, kid," before exiting the apartment and going back to his own place.

  
\--

  
Regret wasted no time in greeting Mike the second he opened his eyes. His head felt like it was on the verge of splitting open. The sun was barely shining through his window, yet it still felt far too bright. His apartment was quiet, yet it still felt far too loud.  
  
He thought about pulling the covers over his head and willing himself back to sleep, but logically, he knew that was nothing more than wishful thinking. He had to get up. Life had to go on. Or at the very least he had to make an effort to pretend it did. There was that word again, pretend. It was starting to feel like his world begun and ended with that word.  
  
He tossed the covers to the side and climbed out of bed. His legs were still a little shaky underneath him, and each step seemed to amplify his headache, and stir up nausea. The walk from the bedroom to the bathroom was a short one that had felt much longer than it actually was. Still, it was one of the few times he was thankful for having such a tiny apartment. Once in the bathroom he turned the shower on, testing the water with his hand, making it as hot as he could stand it, and letting steam engulf the room as he stripped down, tossing his suit from last night haphazardly to the floor and stepping into the heat.  
  
-  
  
If nothing else, he felt more awake and alert after the shower. His headache hadn't faltered any, and the nausea still lingered, but a shower wasn't exactly a miracle cure for either of those things. He found some Aspirin, popped them in his mouth and chased them down with a bottle of water. He had hoped that would help get rid of the headache, because as it stood right now, it hurt to even think, and with his mind wanting to do nothing but, it was a pretty lousy combination. Though, he figured he probably deserved to feel lousy after last night.  
  
He spent a long time with his phone clutched in his hand, even letting his fingers circle over Harvey's number a few times. He knew he had to call, because Harvey deserved an apology, but he couldn't bring himself to actually do it. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't sure what to say to him, he didn't think a simple 'I'm sorry' was going to cut it, but what else was there? And maybe he was getting ahead of himself anyway, Harvey probably wouldn't even answer the phone if he called. Mike didn't blame him.  
  
-  
  
Mike ended up staying in bed most the day, not having the energy or motivation to do anything but that. He managed to fall back asleep at some point for a few hours. When he woke up his room was bathed in a soft orange glow, the sun just starting to disappear behind the city buildings. Mike picked up his phone. He didn't waste time thinking about what he was going to say this time, just dialed the number. He wanted to get it over with, be put out of his misery.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Harvey..it's me."  
  
"Mike. I was starting to think you weren't going to call me."  
  
"Sorry it took so long, I, uh--"  
  
"What are you doing tonight?"  
  
"I, um, I'm not doing anything."  
  
"Do you want to come over?"  
  
"Harvey, I kind of wanted to talk to you about last night."  
  
"We can talk if you come over. What do you say?"  
  
"Uh..yeah, sure. That works. When?"  
  
"I have a quick errand to run, but how's nine work for you?"  
  
"That's fine."  
  
"Okay. I'll see you then."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Mike figures he now knew how Harvey wanted him to make up for last night.

  
\--

 

It was a little before nine when Mike was knocking at Harvey's door. Harvey opened the door and gestured for Mike to come in. Once he stepped inside Harvey told him to take a seat on the couch before disappearing momentarily, returning with two bottles of water. He sat them down on the coffee table, and sat down next to Mike. There was a silence that lingered, Mike took that as his cue to start things. He turned towards Harvey, reaching a hand over to Harvey's belt buckle.  
  
"What are you doing?" Harvey asked, grasping Mike's wrist and pushing his hand away.  
  
"I thought you..I mean, don't you want me to..," Mike trailed off, his eyes immediately darting to the floor.  
  
"Jesus Christ, Mike. I didn't ask you to come over here for that."  
  
"But..I mean, if you want to, I'm okay with it, really. I want to. I can make it up to you for last night."  
  
"So what? We fuck and then everything is all better? Is that how this works?"  
  
"I don't know, Harvey. I mean, I just assumed because you invited me over here that's what you wanted from me. That's kind of what we do, if you haven't noticed."  
  
"And that was working so well for you, wasn't it? That's why you broke down in tears in my office, right?"  
  
Mike didn't say anything to that, just kept his eyes glued to the floor.  
  
"Look at me, Mike."  
  
Mike lifted his head.  
  
"At me, Mike. Not through me."  
  
Mike shifted his eyes to finally meet Harvey's glare.  
  
"Listen to me. I know what you want from me and it's definitely not just sex, because with you it's not just sex, it's never been and I should have known that, but I guess I got caught up in my own needs and wants, and ignored yours, and for that I'm truly sorry. I am. Believe me, I don't want to be the shitty person you accused me of being last night."  
  
"You're not a shitty person. I'm really sorry I even said that about you. Actually, I'm just really sorry about last night in general. I was mad at myself, and I took it out on you."  
  
"What would you say to wiping the slate clean and trying this whole thing again?"  
  
"I think I'd like that," Mike said, the corners of his mouth turning into a small smile.  
  
"Good."  
  
"So, uh..Harvey. If I can ask, what did you invite me here for?"  
  
"Right, about that. Since you hadn't seemed to keen with my restaurant choice last night, I thought I could make it up to you with a movie night. I even got.. actually, hold up a second," Harvey said, his voice trailing off as he had already gotten up and was halfway to disappearing into the next room, only to return with a bag which he held out in front of Mike. Mike took the bag from him and peaked inside.  
  
"Oh, you are awesome," Mike said as he noticed the bag was full of a wide variety of movie theater snacks.  
  
"Thought you might like that. I'll grab us something sugary to drink and make some popcorn if you want to pick out a movie to watch awhile."  
  
"You're letting me pick out the movie? That's a lot of responsibility."  
  
"I trust that you can handle it."  
  
Mike turned on the tv and flipped through the movie menu, he ended up picking a movie neither of them had ever even heard of, because really, the movie choice didn't matter. What mattered was spending time together, the way it should have been from the beginning.  
  
"This is really sweet," Mike said in the middle of the movie.  
  
"Of course it is, you're practically eating pure sugar."  
  
"I'm not talking about the candy. I just meant, this. Tonight. Nobody's really done something like this for me before, so thank you."  
  
"You don't need to thank me for something I should have been doing from the beginning. Now would you quit hogging all the licorice?"  
  
For a night that was looking potentially disastrous at the beginning, it had turned into something pretty perfect. Neither Harvey nor Mike wanted the night to end, but they were both fighting off yawns, coming down from the sugar rush. It was also going on 3 AM, which didn't help.  
  
"Do you want to stay the night? Just to sleep, to clarify. I'm not asking for anything else."  
  
"I know you aren't. And yeah, I'd like to stay."  
  
"Great. I'll go find you something to change into."

  
Mike had started to gather up the empty bags and boxes of candy as well as gather the random pieces of popcorn that were strewn across Harvey's coffee table that he was sure cost more than everything he owned put together.  
  
"What are you doing?" Harvey asked, his voice startling Mike.  
  
"Oh. I was just trying to clean up a bit."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Mike. I got it. You just go get changed."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, Mike. I got it. Go change," he said as he tossed the clothes in Mike's direction.  
  
Mike collected the clothes from where they had landed. "Where can I change at?"  
  
"You can change in the bedroom. I'll finish cleaning up here and then I'll be in shortly."  
  
Mike walked down the hallway and into Harvey's bedroom. He'd never felt out of place in this bedroom before, but then every other time he'd been in this bedroom he'd had Harvey all over him, his undivided attention, now he was just in there, alone, and he felt out of place. Like he didn't belong.  
  
He tried to shake the thought, and just focus on getting changed instead. He had managed to do so and he climbed into bed. Harvey entered the room shortly thereafter. He grabbed clothes from his dresser and didn't bother changing in the bathroom, just changed where he stood, neatly folding the clothes he had been wearing and setting them aside before climbing into bed.  
  
"Do you need anything before I turn out the light?"  
  
"No. I'm good."  
  
Harvey flipped out the lights and the room was quickly swarmed with darkness. Silence was the only sound to be heard. Harvey was just starting to doze off when he was snapped out of his sleepy haze by the unmistakable sound of sniffling.  
  
"Mike? What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep," Mike said, his voice barely a whisper.  
  
"It doesn't sound like it's nothing. Want me to turn on the light?"  
  
"Please don't."  
  
"Okay. So talk to me then."  
  
"It's just..this is the first time I've slept in anybody's bed without having to..you know, have sex with them first..I know it's stupid, and doesn't matter. I'm just exhausted and I don't know why I'm--"  
  
"Mike. Stop. It's not stupid. And I'm sorry." Harvey wasn't really sure if he was apologizing for himself, or just to Mike in general, but he'd felt a pang of guilt wash over him when Mike said that and felt it necessary to do so.  
  
"Come here," he said, reaching out his hand in the darkness and pulling Mike towards him, Mike shifted his body into Harvey's, immediately accepting the embrace Harvey was offering. Maybe that's what he had needed all along, because he was sound asleep only a few short minutes later. Harvey held off on his own sleep, making sure Mike was definitely asleep before allowing himself to drift off himself.  
Mike was awoken by the feeling of Harvey shifting and freeing his arms from around him. He thought about asking Harvey to stay there in bed with him, just a little while longer, because Mike wasn't ready to leave his embrace yet. However, the last thing he wanted was to seem desperate or needy, so he stayed still, and let Harvey believe that he was still asleep.  
  
Mike laid there waiting until Harvey had showered and he could smell the scent of fresh coffee wafting into the bedroom to finally drag himself from beneath the covers and out into the kitchen.  
  
"Morning," Harvey said from behind his coffee mug.  
  
"Morning," Mike repeated.  
  
"You sleep okay?"  
  
"I did," Mike answered honestly. Once Harvey had pulled him close, wrapping him tight in his arms, sleep had come fast and easy, in a way Mike couldn't remember it ever happening. Well, in a way he couldn't remember ever happening without having smoked beforehand.  
  
"Good. I'm glad. Made you a coffee if you want it," Harvey said, inching the mug across the counter top.  
  
Mike stepped forward and picked the mug up. "Did you-?"  
  
"Sugar? Milk? Little bit of vanilla? Already added it."  
  
"How'd you know that's how I like my coffee?"  
  
"I pay attention."  
  
"Right. All those times you took my coffee."  
  
"Like I said, I pay attention."  
  
"Regardless, thanks," Mike said, taking a small sip from the mug and carefully setting it back down.  
  
"Mike...about what you said last night, before you went to sleep. Is that, well, is that something you want to talk about?"  
  
"Are you seriously asking me if I want to talk about my fucked up past relationships with you? Where is Harvey and what have you done to him?"  
  
"I'm being serious, Mike."  
  
"So am I. Why on earth would I want to talk to you about that? And why on earth would you want to hear about it, anyway?"  
  
"I don't know, it just seemed like it was something that bothered you, I mean, you were crying and I thought maybe talking would help or whatever. I never said I was good at this kind of thing."  
  
"This kind of thing? You mean _caring_? Jesus, Harvey. You make it sound like it's the hardest thing in the world to care about me."  
  
"You know what? Just forget I said anything, Mike. I was trying to be helpful, not pick a fight with you."  
  
"Fine. Whatever. It's forgotten. Any way, I should probably get dressed and get going."  
  
"You don't have to. You can stay here as long as you want."  
  
"No, I really should just go. I've got things to do. I need to visit my Grammy."  
  
"Well, do you need a ride or something?"  
  
"No. Just stop, Harvey. I'm fine. I can take care of myself."  
  
Mike had walked down the hallway and back into the bedroom, gathering and putting back on the clothes he had worn to Harvey's place last night. They were a little wrinkled, but they'd make due until he could get back to his place.  
  
Something about the way Harvey had asked him if he wanted to talk about last night had really bothered him, while logically he knew it was stupid, because he knew Harvey was just trying to be nice, and probably felt like he needed to say something about it after he had heard him crying, like some weak, pathetic, fucking mess. And really, maybe that's what it was. Maybe Mike was angry because for the second time he'd allowed Harvey to get a glimpse of how broken he was, and Harvey seemed so eager to fix that, to fix Mike, and fuck Harvey for thinking he was something fixable. Like he was some kind of side project.  
  
The more Mike allowed his mind to wander down that particular path, the more angry it had made him, and that's why he knew he had to get out of Harvey's condo, because he would take that anger out on Harvey and that wasn't fair.  
  
"I put your coffee into a cup so you can take it with you," Harvey said when Mike reappeared.  
  
Mike opted to leave out the line about how Harvey didn't need to do that and instead just took it and thanked him.  
  
"Will you call me or text me later just so I know you got home safely?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. No problem."  
  
"You can also call me if you just want to talk, you know? About anything. I know I do a lot of talking, but I can be a pretty good listener too."  
  
"Okay. I got to go, Harvey. Thanks for last night though and letting me stay."  
  
"We'll have to do it again sometime."  
  
And with that, Mike was out the door.

  
\--

  
It was same song, different verse for their next date. Everything had been going smoothly, almost perfectly, they both seemed to be having a good time, until the very end of the date when Mike tried to pick a fight with him. He accused him of having ulterior motives for taking him out on these dates, but Harvey just bit his tongue the best he could and tried to let the comments roll off his back. He refused to let Mike bait him into these fights. Harvey offered to have Ray drop him off back home, but Mike refused, saying he didn't need Harvey's charity and he could find his own way home.  
  
Harvey had gotten a phone call about an hour after he and Mike had parted ways, apologizing for how he acted, and the things he said earlier. Even though the apologies from Mike were starting to feel empty, Harvey accepted it, because that was the only way they could move forward and try to make this thing work between them, and that is what Harvey wanted more than anything.  
  
-  
  
They ended their next date back at Harvey's condo, mouths and hands all over each other, Harvey managing to break away only to ask if Mike was okay with doing this, Mike didn't answer, just kissed Harvey's question right out of his mouth, made him forget he had even asked it in the first place. Mike moved his hand up and started to work at untying Harvey's tie, before Harvey lead him down that long hallway and pushed him down onto the bed like they'd done so many times before. It felt different this time, but still very much the same.  
  
-  
  
Harvey rolled off of Mike and next to him. They let the sounds of their breath be the only thing filling the air for a moment that seemed to stretch forever, but end too quickly. Harvey finally made a move, rolling over and pressing his lips to Mike's, hard enough that Mike knew the kiss would linger there until he returned.  
  
Harvey was wearing boxers and a tee-shirt when he returned to the bed, lifting the sheet Mike had tucked himself under and moving his body right up against Mike's. Harvey's skin had a chill to it that when it brushed up against the heat Mike's body was still radiating, it sent a chill through Mike's entire body.  
  
"Are you cold? I could turn the heat up or get another blanket," Harvey asked, feeling Mike shiver against him.  
  
"No. I'm okay."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm sure. Thanks though," Mike said, before shifting over to his side, facing away from Harvey.  
  
"Let me know if you change your mind." Harvey slid an arm underneath Mike's body, and laid the other one over top of him, resting his head on the top of Mike's shoulder.  
  
Mike never really pictured Harvey as somebody who snuggled, especially with how this whole thing had started out, but the guy was a total octopus. Not that Mike neccessarily minded, it was just, different. He laid there for a long time, just content with feeling Harvey's steady breathing hot against his neck.  
  
"Harvey?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Those things you say to me...while you're..while we're..I mean..do you actually mean those, or is that just like...I don't know, heat of the moment type stuff? I don't care either way, I was just..curious, I guess."  
  
"I don't say things I don't mean, Mike."  
  
Mike didn't say anything in return, just let the silence return to the way it had been prior to him asking. He laid there and waited until he could feel Harvey fall asleep against him, before closing his eyes and falling asleep himself.  
-  
When Mike opened his eyes, he reached over and felt the space next to him. It was empty, and cold. Harvey must have been awake for awhile. He crawled out of bed, and decided to get showered and dressed before venturing out to discover Harvey in the kitchen, which had an unusually delicious smell wafting through it instead of the normal coffee scent.  
  
"Good morning."  
  
"Good morning. Hope you don't mind that I used your shower."  
  
"Only if you don't mind that I cooked you breakfast."  
  
"It smells delicious. What is it?"  
  
"Apple cinnamon pancakes, and of course, bacon."  
  
"That sounds amazing. I actually can't remember the last time that I ate breakfast that didn't come in a box or wasn't drinkable."  
  
"Well then feel free to make up for lost time, " Harvey said as he served food onto a plate and set it down on the counter. "Here. Sit. Eat."  
  
Mike climbed up on the chair and grabbed his fork, stuffing a big bite of pancake in his mouth. "Wow."  
  
"That a good wow?"  
  
"Incredible," he said, taking another bite.  
  
"Glad you like them," Harvey replied, as he grabbed his plate and sat down in the seat next to Mike.  
  
"I didn't know you knew how to cook."  
  
"I don't. Not really. But the things I can cook, I do them perfectly. I'd like to think so anyway."  
  
"No, you're right, this is perfect."  
  
The rest of the morning went well, the conversation was good, and for once, when Mike left his condo it wasn't on a bad note, that's why Harvey was confused when Mike started ignoring his texts and calls after that, and making excuses for why they couldn't go on dates or see each other outside of work.  
  
\--  
  
"Do you have those briefs I asked you for done yet?" Harvey was leaning over Mike's cubicle.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sure, they're somewhere here" Mike said, digging through the mound of paperwork on his desk, finding the files, and holding them out for Harvey.  
  
"Thank you. Also Mike, are you doing anything tonight?"  
  
"No, not really. Do you have more work for me?"  
  
"No. I just wanted to see if you wanted to maybe do something tonight."  
  
"I thought we weren't supposed to be talking about us at work."  
  
"We're not, but you don't answer my calls or texts anymore, so that really limits my options."  
  
"Sorry about that. Just been busy, I guess."  
  
"Are you mad at me or something? I thought we were good."  
  
"I'm not mad at you. And we are..I mean, we're good. I'm just..I don't know, I don't want to talk about this..us..here. We can talk about it tonight."  
  
"So that's a yes to the date?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Excellent. Meet at my place around seven? Or do you want me to pick you up?"  
  
"I'll just come to your place."  
  
"All right. Sounds good. I'll let you get back to your work now."  
  
\--  
  
It was a little before seven and there was no sign of Mike. Harvey waited until it was actually seven before he called, he knew there could be a logical reason, like being stuck in traffic or maybe a more illogical one, like something bad happened to Mike on his way there, and that made Harvey's heart sink in his chest, before he shook the thought, because he didn't even want to think about the second option.  
  
He dialed Mike's number and to his surprise, Mike actually answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Where are you? You were supposed to be here 15 minutes ago."  
  
"Hey..I'm sorry I didn't call, Harvey, but I'm kind of feeling like crap right now, I think I caught whatever is going around at the office, so I'm going to need to cancel on tonight."  
  
"Sorry to hear that. Do you need me to bring you anything?"  
  
"No, I'm fine. I think I just need to sleep it off. You're not mad that I'm canceling are you?"  
  
"No, of course not, we can always reschedule. Your health is more important. You should get some rest."  
  
"That's what I'm planning on doing."  
  
"All right. Hope you feel better, Mike."  
  
"I'll try."  
  
Mike hung up his phone and went back inside to the stool at the bar where he had been sitting before Harvey had called.

  
\--

  
It was a little after one in the morning when Mike was standing outside his apartment door, drunkenly trying to work his key into the keyhole of his apartment door before finally realizing the door was already unlocked and just turning the knob and pushing it open instead.  
  
Mike jumped when he was welcomed by Harvey Specter sitting on his couch.  
  
"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me. What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Where were you at?"  
  
"How did you even get in here?"  
  
"You left the door unlocked."  
  
"You realize that's not an open invitation for you to just waltz into my damn apartment any time you please," Mike said, as he carelessly tossed his keys onto the counter.  
  
"I asked you where you were at." Harvey got up from the couch and walked over, standing so he was directly in front of Mike.  
  
"I was just...I was out, okay?" Mike couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.  
  
"You smell like a god damn brewery."  
  
"I had a few drinks. Look Harvey, I'm sorry, it's just I--"  
  
"You lied to me." Harvey's voice was even, but there was something about the way he looked when he said it that made Mike's heart ache in his chest.  
  
"I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry."  
  
"Are you really? Because it seems like you've been saying 'I'm sorry' to me so much lately that it's just starting to feel like some empty words you throw at me and expect them to make everything all better. And you know what? I try, but they just can't fix it all."  
  
"Harvey, you don't understand."  
  
"No, you're right. I don't understand, because I think what we have is something good, and it just..it feels _right_ , and then you get pissed off at me out of nowhere, accuse me of things I would _never_ do to you, or you stop answering my phone calls, ignore my texts, lie to me, and it makes me feel guilty, like I did something wrong to you and I just don't know what it is, so I spend hours trying to figure out what it is, trying to figure _you_ out, and I can't Mike, and you won't help me, so no, you're right, I don't understand, and that's the whole fucking problem here, isn't it?"  
  
"Harvey.."  
  
"Whatever you're going to say, just save it, Mike. It's late, and I need to get back home," Harvey said, before taking a step towards the door.  
  
"Please don't leave," Mike said as he reached out and gripped Harvey by the arm, stopping him from moving any further, "everybody always leaves me."  
  
"I've got work in the morning," Harvey said, yanking his arm away from Mike's grip and walking over to the door, hesitating briefly with his hand on the doorknob, before turning back to Mike for a moment. "By the way, there's soup in your fridge. That's why I came here, to bring you soup, because I thought you were actually sick when you called me and I just wanted you to feel better. In retrospect, I guess I look like an idiot for doing that, huh?" Harvey opened the door and slammed it behind him on the way out.  
  
The slam of the door had felt like some sort of final exclamation mark to everything leading up until this point and a reminder as to just how bad Mike had screwed up this time.

  
\--

  
Mike knew the day was going to be awful, he could feel the dread already starting to overwhelm him the very second he opened his eyes from the few hours of sleep he had somehow actually managed to get. He had to go to work though, he had to face Harvey, there was no other way around it. So he dragged himself out of bed, pushed himself to get ready, and tried to move forward so he could get this day done and over with.  
  
He wasn't, however, expecting his bike to get a flat tire while he was halfway to work. Nor was he expecting that he wouldn't be able to call a cab, because as it turns out, he had also forgotten his wallet at home so he had no cash on him to be able to do so. And to top it all off, it had started to rain on the way there. Complete downpour. Just fucking perfect.  
  
If he were to ever believe in karma, now would have been the perfect time to start.  
  
-  
  
"You're late," Harvey said the moment Mike stepped through his office door. Mike was rain soaked and still trying to catch his breath from having to practically jog his bike the rest of the way to work after the flat.  
  
"Five minutes," Mike said, glancing down at his wrist watch and checking the time. Mike was actually impressed that he was only five minutes late, all things considered.  
  
"Late is late, whether it's five minutes or whether it's an hour, it's still late."  
  
"I know, and I'm sorry, it's just my b--"  
  
"Just stop, Mike. Instead of apologizing and making excuses for why you're late, why don't you just get to work on time. Whether you like it or not, punctuality is part of the job, and if you can't handle that, then maybe this isn't the right job for you."  
  
Mike fully expected Harvey to be pissed at him, he expected the cold shoulder from him, and he knew he deserved it, but no matter how much he had thought he mentally prepared himself for it, he realized now that he could have never had been prepared for it.  
  
The cold tone of voice Harvey had just used with him mixed with the words he'd said, and the fact that Harvey hadn't even bothered to look up from his computer screen, it hurt in a way that left him feeling like he had been completely blindsided by it, despite knowing that it was coming.  
  
"It won't happen again," Mike replied.  
  
"Donna has briefs for you to proof, and I need them done and on my desk by twelve. Not a second later either, and I mean it."  
  
"Okay. Anything else?"  
  
"That's it for now. Get out of my office and get to work."  
  
Mike didn't say anything more, just hung his head and left Harvey's office. He felt completely defeated. He was looking forward to being able to completely drown himself in work for a few hours.  
The workload seemed unusually large, and Mike was starting to think there wasn't any way humanly possible that he was going to be able to get it done. He had to really focus and push through, because there was no way he wasn't going to have the briefs on Harvey's desk before noon. He didn't want to give Harvey another reason to be mad at him, there were enough of those as is.  
  
-  
  
It was 11:50 when he was finishing up the very last line, giving it one last look over, hopping up from his desk and flying through the building to take the now proofed briefs to Harvey's office.  
  
"He's not in there," Donna said, causing Mike to whip around as he was flying past her towards Harvey's office door.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"Meeting."  
  
"Well, what time will he be back?"  
  
"Not until later, but he told me to give you these," Donna said, as she extended a manilla folder to Mike.  
  
"What is it?' Mike took a step towards her and grabbed the folder from her hand and immediately leafed through it. "Why would he want me to have these? I must have looked through these a million times last week and didn't find anything useful. Harvey even agreed with me that it was a dead end and we should focus our attention elsewhere."  
  
"Guess you have some figuring out to do then, huh? By the way, I'm also supposed to tell you that Louis Litt will be stopping by your cubicle shortly, Harvey didn't think you'd mind having some extra work from him."  
  
"Harvey's sending Louis to me now? That's..great. When do I need these back to Harvey?"  
  
"Three o'clock. And not a second later."  
  
"Are you kidding me? That's three hours from now. I spent twice that amount looking over these files already, and that was without Louis breathing down my neck."  
  
"Oh look, the puppy learned how to tell time, how impressive. Guess that means you better get working."  
  
"He's just doing this to punish me," Mike mumbled under his breath.  
  
"And you don't think you deserve it?"  
  
"How did you even hear that? Actually, forget it. I didn't say that I don't deserve it, I know I deserve this, and much worse."  
  
"You know you really hurt him, Mike. And you need to fix it."  
  
"I know I did, but.. it's not that easy to fix. I mean, I can't even apologize to him anymore, because he doesn't believe me when I say I'm sorry."  
  
"Maybe that's because you don't even believe it when you say it to him."  
  
"That's not true. I do mean it."  
  
"So fix it then."  
  
Mike just let out an exasperated sigh. "Before I figure that out, I've got to go figure this case out first," he said. Of course, he did have to get working on the case, but more than anything he just did not want to be having this particular conversation any more.  
  
"Hey Mike, one more thing," Donna called to him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks and turn around before he'd barely gotten two entire steps away.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If I find out you hurt Harvey again, a heavy work load and a dead end case will be the least of your worries. Is that understood?"  
  
"Yeah. I got it."  
  
"Good," Donna replied, smiling as if she hadn't just made a threat that she fully intended on following through with if she needed to.

  
-

  
Mike went back to his desk, put his head down, and focused. Looking over the same lines, over and over again, and continually coming up empty. After an hour and a half of small print blurring his vision, Louis came by and gave him briefs that needed proofed. Those, he could at least get accomplished. He'd get those done and then go back to Harvey's work, something he normally didn't do, take Louis' work over Harvey's, but he was going nowhere fast on what Harvey had given him, and he wasn't even sure if there was an actual solution to his problem anywhere near those papers. Like he had told Donna, Harvey himself had agreed it was a dead end.  
  
Proofing the briefs went a lot quicker, it still took a relatively decent amount of time though. Both Harvey and Louis had a tendency to take the speed in which Mike was able to get things done for granted. Mike went back to Harvey's work, and searched, and searched some more, all as he watched time dwindle down. He only had 10 minutes left before the deadline, frustrated, he tossed the papers in his hand back down to the desk. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath in, and pushed it back out slowly. He was resigned to just watching the clock run out on this thing now.  
  
Except, the paper just sitting there with no resolution bugged him. Harvey wouldn't have given him this just to be petty. Mike doesn't think so, anyway. He looked one last time, and even though he could recite the paper backwards and forwards by memory, it was only now, with two minutes left to have it done, did Mike see the answer practically jump off the paper at him and instantly click, it was exactly what he had needed, what Harvey needed, and he can't believe he had missed it. He gathered the rest of the paper's from the desk and sprinted from his desk to Harvey's office as if the building were suddenly on fire.  
  
"Please tell me he's in there," Mike huffed out when he got to Donna's desk.  
  
"He's in there, but he said you can just leave the work with me."  
  
"Are you kidding me? Donna, please help me out here."  
  
Donna seemed to contemplate it a moment before giving Mike the go ahead with a slight approving nod of her head.  
  
"Thank you so much," Mike said before heading into Harvey's office.  
  
-  
  
"I found what you needed. Can't believe it took me this long, and I'm not sure how I missed it so many times before, but I've got your smoking gun." Mike walked over to Harvey's desk and laid the paper down in front of him. The part Harvey needed was marked with his trusty yellow highlighter. Mike stood silent after that, waiting for Harvey to take the paper. Harvey didn't move, just kept staring at his computer screen.  
  
"Harvey, I busted my ass looking for that."  
  
"If you're looking for a gold star sticker, sorry, but I left those at home."  
  
"I wasn't asking for a pat on the back, but maybe you could at least acknowledge the work I just did for you."  
  
"I don't have to acknowledge shit, Mike. It's your job to do the work I give to you," Harvey snapped.  
  
"You're right. I'm sorry. Do you need me to do anything else for you? If not, I'm sure Louis would be more than happy to find something for me."  
  
"Feel free to go to Louis."  
  
Mike sighed. "You would have never sent me to Louis before last night."  
  
"Things change."  
  
"Can we just talk about this?"  
  
"I don't really have anything to say to you right now."  
  
"I understand that, but will you at least listen to me? Ten minutes is all I ask from you. Please, Harvey." The desperation in Mike's words were heartbreaking.  
  
"Ten minutes. Not now though. Come back to my office at Seven."  
  
"Thank you."

  
\--

  
Mike had finished up doing work for Louis a little after six, which meant he had an hour to just wait. Wait and think. Time moved so slowly. Every tick of the clock felt like an eternity. He thought about what he could say to Harvey, ways he could try to apologize, and make Harvey believe him when he said it. None of the ways he came up with seemed right to him. He couldn't help but feel like he was going into a losing battle.  
  
Eventually time's slow crawl had made it to seven o'clock. The majority of the building had already cleared out, or were in the process of clearing out. Mike took a few deep breaths before approaching Harvey's office. 'Here goes everything', he said to himself before knocking on the door of Harvey's office.  
  
Harvey glanced up from behind his desk, and motioned with his fingers for Mike to come in.  
  
"Sit," Harvey said when Mike entered, Mike did as he was told.  
  
"You said you wanted ten minutes, so you've got it," Harvey said, looking down at his watch, and then back up at him.  
  
"Um," Mike said, completely thrown off by the fact that Harvey seemed to be actually putting a time limit to this conversation. "Look, Harvey, I know I messed up. I just don't know how to apologize to you in a way that's going to make you believe me. I don't want to lose you over a stupid mistake."  
  
"You realize it's not a mistake if you intentionally do it. You knew what you were doing when you lied to me, Mike. The only mistake that you made was that you got caught in that lie, and I'm sure that is the one thing you actually _are_ sorry for."  
  
"How can you even say that to me?"  
  
"You've got six minutes," Harvey said after glancing down at his watch again.  
  
"God damn it, Harvey! Do not put a time limit on this conversation," Mike shouted. He scrubbed a hand over his face and attempted to regain his composure. "Please, just don't," he added, his voice now soft and vulnerable, the polar opposite of what it had just been a few seconds earlier.  
  
Mike's reaction was enough to make Harvey change his tune. "I'm sorry. No time limit. Just..talk to me. Okay?"  
  
"You know, when I first met you I felt like I was already a little bit in love with you. I know, that sounds stupid. I didn't even know you, but I chalked it up to it being gratitude making me feel that way. I mean, nobody's ever believed in me or gave me an opportunity like you did. It made sense to me. That wasn't it though, because the more I was around you the harder it was, the more I started to feel for you. You didn't feel the same way though, you didn't care. I mean, how many times had you point blank told me that you didn't care? I tried to keep my distance from you, convince myself that I was okay with what we were, colleagues..friends, I really wasn't sure, but you were in my life, and that was enough. And then you kissed me that night in your office and it..I don't know, it changed everything between us."

  
"Not sure I follow where you're going with all this."  
  
"Well, after that, the whole sleeping together happened. God, you don't know how hard that was for me. To have all of you in the moment, only to be left feeling like I never had you to begin with afterwards. And, I'm not blaming you for that, let me make that clear. I'm blaming myself for it, because I just wasn't strong enough for it when I thought I could be, and it just left me wanting..needing more from you. I needed you to care about me the way I cared about you."  
  
"If you wanted me to care so damn bad, then why push me away or punish me when I do care?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"God damn it, Mike. You realize you drive me insane with this bullshit 'I don't know' routine? Just fucking tell me already! Was it something I did? Something I said?"  
  
Guilt washes over Harvey immediately when he sees how Mike's eyes dart down to the floor.  
  
"I'm sorry," Harvey says as he gets up from his chair and sits down on the cushion next to Mike instead. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just..I'm frustrated, and I feel helpless. I don't know how to deal with feeling like that."  
  
Mike stays silent for awhile longer. Doesn't move, just keeps his eyes deadlocked on the floor. Harvey wonders if maybe he should say something else, but he decides against it. He wants to leave the floor open for Mike to speak.  
  
"I just wanted you to tell me that you love me," Mike says, bringing up a hand to wipe away the tears in his eyes. "I told you I loved you that day in the office. A few times on the phone. In texts. You've _never_ said it to me. And that's fine, I don't want you to say something you don't mean. But I can't stand not hearing it from you. Especially when you have no problem telling me how perfect I am while you're fucking me. If I'm so perfect, why can't you just love me? That's why I lied to you. I just couldn't stand not hearing it anymore."  
  
"I don't know what you want me to say right now."  
  
Mike laughs, but there's no humor in it. "I think the fact that you don't know what to say to me right now says everything." Mike pauses for a moment, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve. "I should...go."  
  
"Don't go."  
  
Mike pauses when he gets to the door. "Thanks for the ten minutes."  
  
And just like that, he's gone, and Harvey can't help but feel like he just let his entire world walk away from him. All because he couldn't bring himself to say three little words.  
  
\--

  
Harvey hadn't left the office. He had stayed long after everybody had cleared out. Just sat at his desk and thought about Mike. He had poured himself a glass of Scotch hours ago, thought about just drowning himself completely in it. Drinking until he could forget to remember Mike, and everything about him. But that was the problem with Mike, nothing about him was even remotely forgettable.  
  
Harvey needed to fix this. He grabbed the jacket off the back of his chair and threw it on before leaving the office.  
  
-  
  
Mike was laying on the couch watching, well, he wasn't really watching anything. He'd turned the tv on just so he'd have some kind of white noise to help silence the thoughts running through his head. He was expecting Harvey to call him at some point after he'd left the way he did, Harvey always called, and when he didn't get that call he regretted telling Harvey how he felt. Mostly he just regretted it because Harvey reacted to it exactly the way he imagined he would.  
  
The knock at the door startles Mike. He rubs at his eyes, and checks the time on his watch. It's too late for it to be anybody but Harvey. He's tempted to just stay quiet and pretend to be sleeping. Harvey knocks again, this time the knocks are louder, they seem to have more urgency to them.  
  
Mike tosses the blanket off of him and pulls himself up off the couch, and walks over to the door. He puts his hand on the doorknob, but hesitates before turning it and opening the door.  
  
"Mike. Just please open the door."  
  
The way Harvey says 'please' has always felt like Mike's kryptonite. He slides the lock back and opens the door for Harvey. "What do you want from me?"  
  
"There's something I didn't tell you back at the office that I should have."  
  
"Harvey, it's late. Don't you think it can wait?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Right. And just how much have you had to drink?"  
  
"I haven't had anything to drink."  
  
"Then why would you say that to me?"  
  
"Because I mean it."  
  
"And I'm just supposed to believe that? You let me walk out of your office, Harvey. You could have said it then and stopped me if you really meant it."  
  
"Can I please just come in and try to explain myself?"  
  
There was that please word again. "Fine," Mike said, swinging the door opening for Harvey to follow him in. Mike shut the door behind them, and went back over to the sofa and sat down. Harvey followed suit, taking the seat right next to him.  
  
"So? Talk," Mike said.  
  
"You know, you told me when you first met me you fell a little bit in love with me..well, maybe the same thing happened to me. Only I told myself it was just physical attraction. And I tried ignoring it at first. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I mean, fuck, I found myself thinking about you at the most random times of the day." Harvey let's out a small laugh, pausing a moment before continuing. "I was the first to give in, I kissed you, because I thought that would get whatever it was out of my system. It didn't, instead it made it worse, because I realized that I needed more from you. Then we slept together, and that didn't help the situation, it intensified everything that I was feeling for you. I knew it was a slippery slope but I couldn't stop myself. I guess I didn't know how to ask for more than what I was already getting from you."  
  
"Why are you telling me this now?"  
  
"Because you need to know that this thing isn't as one sided as you think it is."

  
"If you meant it, you should have said it back at the office, not wait until I walked away."  
  
"You know why I never told you I loved you until now?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I don't say things I don't mean, and I wasn't going to say it until I was positive it was how I felt. Look Mike, I'm the first to admit that I don't know a lot about love, but I do know that it's not supposed to hurt. So when you'd fight with me, and say certain things to me, or ignore me completely, and especially when you lied to me..it hurt, and it made me question what I felt. When I thought about it though, losing you would hurt more than anything." Harvey pauses for a moment. "And that's how I feel and that's where I stand, so it's up to you decide what you want from here. Balls in your court, Mike. I'll respect your descision either way, but I do love you, and I do want to be with you, and you needed to know that. You deserve to hear that."  
  
There's a moment of silence. It couldn't have been more than thirty seconds, but Harvey is sure that it's the longest thirty seconds he's ever experienced. And then Mike reaches over and places a hand on the side of Harvey's face, and kisses him softly. "You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that," Mike whispers against Harvey's mouth. "I want to be with you too."  
  
Harvey pulls back from Mike slightly. "Are you sure? I mean, are we okay to move on from all of this? Ready to leave the mistakes we both made in the past?"  
  
"I'm willing to if you are. I just want this.. _us_ to work. More than anything."  
  
"I think we can manage that," Harvey replies, leaning in to steal a quick kiss from Mike's lips.  
  
"Can you say it one more time?"  
  
"Say what?"  
  
Mike just gives Harvey a look that answers the question without words.  
  
"Right. _That_. I love you, Mike."  
  
Mike can't help but laugh at those words coming out of Harvey's mouth.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Nothing..it's just..the great Harvey Specter, sitting in my crappy apartment, talking about feelings, and telling me he loves me. It's kind of surreal."  
  
"Hey, whatever you do, just don't let my secret get out. I have a reputation to maintain."  
  
"I think Donna knows your secret."  
  
"Donna doesn't count, because Donna knows everybody's secrets."  
  
"Good point. So, since I'm kind of wide awake now, do you want to watch a movie or something. I kind of owe you a date."  
  
"Hmm, do I want to watch a movie with you on your ridiculously tiny TV, while sitting on your obscenely uncomfortable couch, when we both have to be at work early in the morning?"  
  
"Um.."  
  
"That sounds _perfect_ , Mike. I'd love to."  
  
"Oh! Great. Are you hungry? I could make us something."  
  
"What were you thinking?"  
  
"Well, actually, this pretty great guy brought soup over to my apartment the other day ago that I never got a chance to eat. How's that sound?"  
  
"I think I'd like that."  
  
\--  
  
Harvey and Mike spent the rest of the night there on the couch, eating their soup and commentating on the movie Mike had picked out. Mike had pulled his legs up onto the couch midway through the movie, and shifted his head so it was resting on Harvey's chest. He listened carefully to the way Harvey's heart beat rhythmically through his shirt. The sound was soothing, and Mike found his eyes growing heavy the longer he listened to it. He didn't last long when Harvey moved a hand up to his hair and gently ran his fingers through it several times.  
  
When Mike fell asleep Harvey, reached for the blanket laying on the back of the couch, and brought it down, draping them both in it. He carefully kicked off his shoes, pulled his own legs up and was content just watching Mike sleep, until he could no longer fight his own heavy eyelids.  
  
There would be no more tension between them, there would be no more holding back what they felt, no more resisting or denying, just giving each other their everything. Finally, everything felt right between the two of them, exactly the way it was always meant to be.


End file.
